haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
