And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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