i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize