sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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