better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize