Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
