gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
