my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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