If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
