is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
