It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
