I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
