New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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