Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
