your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
