They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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