i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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