I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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