You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
