Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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