She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize