he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thus making me awesome and them whores
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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