I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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