Me. At least after what I've been through.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
