Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
