tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
