i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
