'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
