You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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