he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
