just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
