me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
