You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
