the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
