how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
