I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
