It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
