I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i love accidental penises.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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