Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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