dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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