Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
