i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
