my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
