I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
