My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
