The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
