he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
