I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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