I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
