She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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