it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
