I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
