this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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