i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she smelled like a LAN party
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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