um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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