We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
