I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
