when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I AM VODKA MAN
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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