why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
