put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
