Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
