you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My ass is underappreciated
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
