Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
