Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
FUCK WHALES
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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