i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
