pop tarts are not kleenex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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