I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
