On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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