I checked into jail on foursquare
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
