I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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