just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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