What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
