Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
