used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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